For those who are new to my site, let me tell you what it is all about. My story with my struggle with legalism is here. I am grateful for God’s grace more and more each day.
But there is more to my story than this. I was very fortunate to be brought up in a Godly home. My father worked with a para church ministry (Youth for Christ/Campus Life) and my mom was a stay at home mom. I received lots of love and spiritual guidance.
When we moved to Tuscaloosa, Alabama when I was in elementary school, we joined a local Southern Baptist church. The first church we joined had a split because the Senior Pastor had an affair with a woman in the church. We then joined a very conservative SBC church theologically, but one that was more progressive in it’s methodology. I started growing in my faith but also was exposed to spiritual elitism. My church was full of all of the major para-church ministry directors such as Youth for Christ, Campus Crusade, The Navigators and Fellowship of Christian Athletes. There was a sense that our church was better than other churches because we had so many spiritual giants. Many of the University of Alabama football players were members of our church and personal friends of my family.
I was one of the few people in my high school who was living for Jesus. I don’t say that arrogantly-it was the truth. But because of this, I became a spiritual snob. I began looking down on others because of their “sins” while ignoring my arrogance and pride!
One example was when the daughter of our former pastor who had an affair moved back to Tuscaloosa. Her father had just died and I made a comment that he died because of his sin! That ugly response got back to his daughter who was totally innocent of her dad’s sin. I was a complete idiot! I regret making that misguided comment to this day.
Then the way my best friend was treated after he got his girlfriend pregnant began a long journey to overcome the plank in my eye.
I attended a Southern Baptist University, Samford in the 1980′s. I saw so much hypocrisy at Samford, it was disillusioning. I was made to fear the professors because my home church scared me about liberalism. Sure there were some off based professors but there were some good ones too.
I was discipled by Campus Outreach which is a ministry of Briarwood Presbyterian (PCA). How ironic! I attended Shades Mountain Baptist and then moved to Dawson Memorial (my future wife had something to do with that) Campus Outreach would go to to Gatlinburg every Winter and so did YFC. While in Gatlinburg I started hearing about another ministry that went there just to witness to the YFC kids! It really bugged me because they didn’t approve of YFC’s methods. But that is what I grew up in. I wondered why would Christians compete with other Christians.
Maybe that is why I’m so open to other believers. I don’t understand why followers of Jesus would be in competition with each other. I don’t see other followers of Jesus as competition. I see them as co-laborers! It bugs me because I can’t believe how legalistic I used to be. I often point out hypocrisy in my own life, society and in the church. I’m like a recovering smoker or alcoholic…I can’t stand to be around what I was before–actually I still am!
Most of the time the posts are humorous and/or sarcastic. I have a warped sense of humor! 
This site is not a political site. It is ramblings and confessions of my struggles. It is never intended to be an attack on a person. If I do, then tell me that I’ve fallen off the wagon! I truly want to be uplifting. However, sometimes hypocrisy isn’t funny and it has to be exposed for what it is.
I get e-mails from people every week from all over the world telling me they are also struggling along with me. I am truly humbled that anyone would think I have something of substance to say. That is why I am in the process of writing a book about my struggles.
I hope this gives you an idea of what I intend this site to be. I ask that we we respect other people and when we debate, we do it in a loving, Christlike manner. Thanks for being a part of my life!
Maybe, when you finish your book, you could edit a compilation of other “pharisee” stories.
I was a little Pharisee through high school, my best friend was a preacher’s kid, and I wasn’t even saved. After some of the stuff we did, I’m surprised God didn’t allow us to be hit by a truck. We used to fake being slain in the spirit and speaking in tongues in the Sunday night services at the Assembly of God church where his Dad was pastor. How about that for pharasaical!
Lees,
Kevin: Wow! Your post touched me today and there are so many more out there who have been on either the recieiving end or the givng end of the legalistic stick. I was on both ends; recieving and giving. I’m still ashamed of being on the giving end at times.
I so appreciate your blog. The book would be a must read and I hope you follow through with this thought. I believe it would aid a lot of people in their lives no matter which end of the stick they are or were on. I for one am thankful that God is using you in this way
Kev.
Hi Phellow Pharisee ( sorry .. I do SO love alliteration). It occurred to me yesterday that when I came to Jesus, all I brought was pond scum. So … if there’s anything other than THAT in my life now, it must be HIS!
God went WAY out of His way to wake you up. Did, for me, too. He must be serious with us to have dropped awareness in our face when we couldn’t see around the log.
Since He’s no respecter of persons, I have to believe He has the same in mind .. at least the same offer .. for everyone. The most powerful way to break through the pharisaical blindness, then, must be for recovering pharisees to confess what they were and what God’s done.
Amen.
I was with you, Kevin, as a young man. Full of pride and arrogance at my spiritual superbness. And, just as God taught us, pride comes before a fall. I know not whether God used a fall in your life to wake you up to the plank in your eye, but I praise Him that you have, that I have, and that we can move on to following Christ humbly, as He followed His Father all the days of His life. May we endeavor to make every step and every breath a prayer of dependence upon Him.
Wow, you really said that God killed that guy? You were brutal!
I have said some really terrible things in my life too, and they are things I can never take back, unfortunately. The good thing is that many people have selective memory, and if you are a person of love rather than a person of exclusivity and arrogance, often their minds will allow them to forget about it. Love covers a multitude of sins, thank God.
I appreciate everything you say Kevin. I especially appreciate it when you talk about how it is always a battle to keep “Pharisee Man” from rearing his ugly head. Even after all I’ve been through, it is still a temptation sometimes.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Bryan,
I never had a fall per say. I just came to realize that I could fall after seeing others do so.
Jason,
Yes, I’m not proud of that.
Kevin,
I appreciate your transparency and honesty in the journey. Pharisaism is the disease we all suffer. Loving Jesus and people is the cure.
Kevin,
Your blog is one of the FEW that I read EVERYDAY…and several times a day! I have learned so much about “what’s going on” from COARP…
And we have all been a “Pharisee” at one time or another in our spiritual lives. That can be a real struggle.
And equally difficult struggle is when we are the “elder brother” from Luke 15–and really don’t realize it…
Until we hear Jesus say “All I have is yours….”
I pray for you regularly….God’s best to you. I’ll be in Charlotte area for the holidays.
Phil,
Which holiday? I would love to meet you.
Hi, folks, from this old infidel.
Your stories are interesting, but I have trouble understanding your use of the word, “pharisee”.
For instance, Lees1975 mentions youthful naughtiness like faking being slain in the spirit ( whatever that means) etc, and calls it “pharisaical” behaviour. Lees1975 also seems to think that God is vengeful, as per the mention of the truck. That’s straight out of WBC’s teachings, whose God is forever on the warpath against his creatures.
From what I read of your story, Kevin it seems that you regard pharisaical behaviour as despising others for their inability to be 100% perfect at all times. What sort of payoff did this attitude give you?
Tom Bryant, why do you assert that this condition is something that ALL Christians suffer? What is your definition of this strange word? It has me curious.
Francoise,
You ask a great question. My pharisaical attitudes got me nowhere! God convicted me of my sinfulness and I have changed. That is what I write about–my struggles to get over the legalism that has had me chained. It is free when you finally realize God doesn’t expect perfection from us because He is.
Christmas Holidays Kevin…I’ll be flying into Charlotte on the 22nd of December, and will be flying out on 25th–late that evening.
Francoise, as I understand being a Pharisee at its simplest, it is being more concerned with looking good on the outside than being clean and pure on the inside.
It is setting up rules that I can follow and follow religiously (with conviction), and demanding that everyone else do the same (again without regard for whether or not my heart is changed).
Matthew 23 defines it well: Here is a sample… 25″Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.
Thanks, gentlemen for the replies.
Bryan, it’s interesting that you quote Jesus blasting others, when he himself comes across as a rude and arrogant person. He seemed to spend a lot of time free-loading
( a form of greed) and demanding that people hate their relatives to demonstrate their love for him. I’d called that sort of behaviour egoistic self-indulgence.
Francoise,
Being “slain in the spirit” is a common practice in churches of the charismatic-pentecostal persuasion. It is a condition where a person “faints” as a result of believing they have been physically overcome by the presence of the Holy Spirit. Speaking in tongues is the idea of being enabled to speak another language, again as evidence of the indwelling Spirit, at least as far as Pentecostal belief is concerned. Doing both of those things in a worship service during the altar call at the end would be considered signs of spirituality by those in attendance, hence, the attitude of being a pharisee comes into play. We were allowing people to think we were something that we were not, though at the time, did not mind taking advantage of it.
Obviously, since I did not have a genuine spiritual relationship with Jesus at that time, nothing spiritual was happening with me.
When I mentioned that we were fortunate God didn’t allow us to be run over by a truck, I did not mean to make a theological statement about my beliefs concerning God. It was a hyperbole to express the fact that, in later years, I have come to realize the seriousness of what we took for a game when we were young, and quite foolish.
I hope that clarifies a bit for you.
Francoise,
To me, Pharisees are people who think they are better than anyone else because of their particular beliefs. I think that all Christians suffer from it because we tend to forget that our relationship with God isn’t based on how good we are in comparison to others but because of God’s free gift that comes to anyone through faith in Jesus.
I will throw one thing out for thought, to my Jewish friends, the Phraisees were the best. They stood for historic biblical Judaism. They don’t understand why the Jesus kept comparing them to snakes and beautiful crypts that only contain dead men’s bones.
Kevin,
Thanks for post and I would hope that all bloggers would strive to uphold the same standards. I undertsand the Pharisee illustration all to well, and I think insight for it comes with age. I can remember being a 20 year old fireball, know it all minister wondering why no one else gets it or knows as much as I did. Thank God for grace, mercy and His patience. The older I get I realize how stupid and legalistic I once was. Legalism is something most of the guys I know continue to fight and struggle with. I think some might be taking the illustration to literally. Keep up the great post.
Rusty
Hey Kevin:
Wow is your story similar to mine. I graduated SU in 81. I was discipled by Curtis Tanner of Briarwoord Presbyterian (we got kicked off cmapus because it was not a “Baptist” thing–go figure). We went to UAB to share Christ, and even shared Christ at SU some. I saw legalism in some churches and I saw some liberal theology in some classes. But mostly I was just ignorance on fire. About the only thing I had going for me was the fact that I did try to be teachable, so I learned a lot by similitude (people I wanted to be like) AND by contrast (people I wanted to avoid). Of course, I am also reminded that the things that irritate me most are usually the ones I see in the mirror when I am most honest.
Friends,
We are all Pharisees to some extent and tend to be blind about it in ourselves. I wrestle with it all the time.
Lets be careful to not to look down our own prideful (That we are not Pharisees) noses to condemn others, even the Pharisees around us.
Yes Francoise, Jesus confronted the Pharisees forcefully but he had a right to do it, He, was God! He confronted these blind selfrighteous religious leaders to show them their sin, to shake them up about their sinful smuggness. But in John 3, Jesus took time with searching Nicodemus to show this curious Pharisse he needed to be born again.
God thankfully confronts us about our sin and our need of salvation all the time, out of love. Christ demonstrated his love by becoming the sacrifice for our sins, even the Pharisees.
Jesus gave his disciples a new commandment that they love one another and said that by this all men would know that they were his disciples, if they had love for one another. He even said we are to love our enemies. Paul later said to give a warm welcome to every brother and not argue with him about his scruples. (Romans 14,15)
At a convention, I one heard Fred Smith say that he was a missionary to the wealthy. People in the audience laughed but Fred said (I paraphrase), “I can name you all kinds of missionaries to the poor and to the prostitutes and the Lepers but can you name me one to the wealthy? Don’t they need Jesus as much as the others? God has allowed me to mix with the wealthy. This is my mission field.”
Let’s start a contest to see which of us believers can out love the others, even the Pharisees among us. Pharisees need Jesus too!
DAD
Alvin,
I wasn’t in Curtis’ Discipleship Group but I knew him and think highly of him. I went on the 84 Beach Project. My 66 Mustang was stolen there!
Dad,
Wise words.
I was at West GA College from 1988-1993. I got involved in Campus Outreach the second part of my freshman year. I went on SBP in 1989, 1990, and I was a “Disciple Leader” on SBP 1991. Then I went to Mexico City with their “mission team” there in 1992.
There was a LOT of arrogance, superiority, legalism, and HIGH pressure to conform. Yes, I would say Pharisaism was at the heart of so much of it. Their emphasis on methodology and “training” over any real theological teaching led to a spirituality based on PERFORMANCE and LEGALISM rather than on grace, love, and forgiveness. Their emphasis on targeting “sharp” people, the popular, jocks, fraternities, etc, sent a really bad message about what the Gospel was all about…who were we sent to reach, “The LEAST of these”, or the most POPULAR of these? Does God REALLY need “sharp” people in order to reach others? Is this the message of the Gospel? That God really prefers to use attractive, popular people MORE than the less attractive, the nerds, the common folks? The problem is that their methods led to false beliefs and led to the Pharisaism, legalism, arrogance, the sense of superiority over all other Christians and Christian groups on campus that defined us. Without a proper understanding of theology, their methodology BECAME their theology. And it led to “leaders” who were completely ignorant of even the BASICS of Christian doctrine.
Ben
hi ,my name is dave, i was filled with rage and bitterness very early in life , i new the sense of love and security until the age of 5, then things changed dramatically in my world. The youngest of 5 by 7 years i watched my 4 older siblings mess up their lives. The emotional abondonment i experienced by both parents deeply wounded me,plus the use of shame to get me in line, lack of normal age appropriate responsibilities , the atmosphere of false smiles betrayed by angry or fear filled eyes….sorry for rambling. long story short i,m forty eight ,divorced 1 year with a beautiful 7 year old boy,i’m, still very much a scared boy in a mans body. Today i visited the lutheran chuch which frankly is very conservative but seems to have a high degree of love, but i automatically find fault and am seperated from what is good , what i desperately need, by the fearful,angry, unloving pharisee within….still trying to find the perfect church, forgeting once i get therte its nolonger perfect,ha,ha. this same church has a school which my son was enrolled in last year ,but quickly disenrolled him because of infant baptism choosing instead the doctorinally correct baptisst school,,,,i know doctrine is very important especially regarding salvation,….but the greatest of these is love,which i am starving for since 5 ,yet very often closed off to.i also struggle with sexual sin, i am a lustaholic, i have been sober coming up on 6 weeks and as promised what my sin of masturbation was covering was a volcanoe of rage,resentment and fear, as long as i stay sober and cry out to God and other recoveering addicts i have a chance, i covet anyones prayers for me , that God and His word would again come alive to me, thaat i could believe He really loves me, that i to could experience Godly sorrow that leads to repentance. A big danger for me is slippijng into the christian lingo, or political debate, without as others have stated above true moment by moment surrender to God. Alcohalism, sexaholism, pharisaism….all are cunning baffaling and powerfull,as we say in the secular program, of course christians know this is satan, the flesh and the world. I ask again for your prayers …especially that i would stay in my d12 step meetings, even b4 church at this time…though i hope to show up at both places even if i am kicking and screaming on the inside. I will pray for this site …that peoply get help and that the often ugly truth prevails, that the pharisee in each of us stays on a 100 calorie diet, that we each feed the white dog more than the black dog in each our lives. GOD bless you all P.S. i wish there was a 12 step support group for pharisees…im only 1/2 kidding for those of us who struggle with religiosity.,